Interior: The Mansion of Andy Fox: his giant laboratory -

metal and glass glint everywhere in the Fox's ultra-modern Lab. Fluorescent lights hum overhead making everything appear cool and bleached out. Monstrous machines line the walls and ceiling, making obnoxious BEEP-BOOP noises - and even more obnoxious smells.

Seated behind a lab table wearing thick protective goggles is the short lab-coated figure of ANDY FOX, his laboratory goggles hiding the red and white facial fur and making his red hair stick up crookedly.

He stands up and sweeps all the baize hounds off himself and yells at the camera: "A lab-coat! _LAB_COAT! Not coated with labs!!!

The Labrador Retrievers all run away yelping.

Andy stirs a huge vat of foul-smelling chemicals and wipes his brow. Finally, he finishes and turns a valve at the bottom of the vat just the tiniest bit...draining a few drops of stinky brown liquid labeled "P-U" into a small glass vial. The small tube begins to glow a fluorescent wild green!

A strange humming sound fills the air!

Andy holds up the vial to the sky in triumph as lighting unexplainably strikes inside his lab!

ANDY:"AT LAST!!!" (Crash of thunder) "MY GREATEST EXPERIMENT IS COMPLEEEETED!!! Now I will be irreseestable to all female rodents!!

They will all have uncontrollable urrrges to date me!!"

He looks around secretively from side to side to see if anyone is watching, then sneaks to a hidden door.

A body scanner is activated, coming out of the wall and extending on a metal tentacle-like hose.

It scans him from head to toe and says in a mechanical Majel Barret-Roddenberry's voice:"SUBJECT - SUBSTANDARD SIZE!"

While Andy glowers at this, a scope made from an old plastic Viewmaster extends out to him at eye-level. Andy glowers again as he puts a box on the floor to stand on in order to put his face up to it.

"Identify-for-Retina-scan,” says the machine.

Andy puts it to his eyes, but the machine says: ”INCORRECT!”

Andy frowns and pulls off his goggles and looks in it again.


Andy pulls off his glasses, revealing another pair of glasses underneath.


After pulling off twenty-three other pairs of glasses, to which the machine says:

NO! NOT! Nuh-uh! Nope! Not even close! No way! C'mon, while we're young? ...Oh never mind."

The ViewMaster retracts and a microphone is extended.

Andy grouches as he reaches on tiptoe to grab it.

"Identify_for_Voice_Print" says the machine.

"I yam Andy - Fox Genee-us! Let me in, ya stuuuuupid machine!"

The machine whirs and says:

"Please use the designated voice patterns of the following: either Nancy Cartwright or Candi Milo."


The computer clears her throat and says: "I am a Beta Five computer - capable of analytical decisions-"

Andy's face turns red and his rage boils, steam coming out of his ears.

After taking a calming breath he says:" Computer, I yam omnipotent! I have leetle love for Beta Five snobbery! Override!"

The machine is silent as Andy waits stubbornly tapping his foot.

Finally it says: ”Say you're sorry."

Andy shuts his eyes tight and grimaces, his face turning cherry-red, but finally he mumbles:" ...I'm sorry."

The computer's female voice says:"...Say...Please."

Andy growls and shakes his fists. The computer puts out more tentacle-like hands - and proceeds to fry an egg on Andy's burning-hot forehead.

"Puh-leease???!" begs Andy.


says the computer's voice, which slowly changes from Majel Barret to Sherri Stoner...

Andy grits his teeth and growls in anger, his red face boiling over as he explodes!:” SLAP-PEE!!!"

The door opens and Slappy Squirrel pokes her head through the door.

"Took ya long enough, Fox. You must be slippin'"she says in a deadpan voice.

Andy stands perplexed, as Slappy is still in her usual state; wearing only her green derby and carrying her umbrella.

He breaks character and says in his normal voice:

What’s this? No short pink dress? No ballet slippers? No blonde pigtails? Where's yer costume?"

"Listen Fox!" the old grey squirrel yells at him suddenly, "I don't do yer fur-verted fantas-......oh, you mean the thing....uh...well - What do you want from me? You expect me ta jump around like twinkletoes in a tutu and smash everything in sight?! I'm Old! I've got bottles of olives in my fridge older than this "Dexter's Lab" show! Ya know how embarrassing I'd look in a leotard?! Down to my knees, they'd be! And I haven't been'on Pointe' since Valentino died. I ain't no blonde in pigtails - I'm grey! - roots an' all – and some o'that's dyed. And as fer wearing *pink* - forgetaboutit!"

Andy looks at the camera and replies:” Well, how about for the sake of this show?"

Slappy looks at the camera and says:"Oh don't worry. I got it covered....I hired a lil youthful stamina. I gotcha an assortment. I put out an add in the paper askin' fer young, brain-dead blondes capable of immense destruction."

SMASH! Just then, a blonde-wigged Elmyra in a DeeDee costume dances through the door, breaking it off its hinges. She consciously bends over, deliberately giving the camera a skirt peek at her white panties.

"Tee-hee-hee-heee-heee! My agent Cree told me to do that!" she giggles.

Andy goes back into character, screaming :"SLAP-PEE! GET OUT OF MY LABOR-ATORY!"

It is too late. Elmyra has found - of all things - a laser cannon.

"What does this button do?" she asks, pressing the trigger causing Andy to yell and run after her!


ZAAAAAPPPP!!......sizzling noises....

Andy is a pair of glasses and eyeballs atop a pile of black ashes.

We hear:"TeeeHeeeHeeHeeeHeeee!" CLANG! as a 16 Ton weight falls on top of Elmyra.

Slappy smiles as she tosses away the scissors and yells off-camera: "NEXT!"

A curvaceous lavender bunny in a pink spandex thong and sports workout suit wiggles into the room reading her script a little too closely.

"Umm..._Hee_Hee_Hee-eee ..Ha...-Ha!!, I guess she's supposed to be laughing, right? ..I mean is that the way?...Oh! She's giggling?..okay, I can do that.."

Binky Bunny simpers, flashing her hips and fluttering her eyelashes as she giggles through her perfect bunny teeth, her bodice threatening to explode at any moment.

Andy stares blankly at her until Slappy backhands his head.

Binky steps blindly onto a janitor's broom which flips up and hits her in the nose. Her nose is squashed into a U-shape and is stuck that way.

"Ohhhhh, my nosejob is ruined!" she complains.

"Yer lucky it didn't hit any of yer *other* enhancements" comments Slappy sourly.

Binky opens her mouth in shock with her hands on her hips, and runs away covering herself modestly. She trips as the broom falls back the opposite way - into the giant glass bell jar containing Andy's collection of exotic South American bees. Their hive smashed - the bees swarm about Slappy and Andy's faces, making them nervous.

"Serves you right!" says Binky before trying to slam the door behind her. The door swings through and hits her fanny. "Yeow!"

Slappy looks deadpan at the camera and says:

Don’t ask us how we got the door back."

The leader of the bees looks at Andy and Slappy with a fat grimy face, a thick mustache and arched eyebrows. He wears a sombrero and bandoleers and points a pair of pistolas at them.

"Que pasa amigo?" says Slappy flatly.

The bandito bee points his six-guns at Andy instead, who raises his paws in the air and sheepishly smiles while sweating.

"HOkay Gringro! We are *De Keeller Beez!*", the John Belushi bee growls at him -

One of the bees who looks like Garret Morris raises a hand and says:"Uh...actually, we're originally from Africa..?"

The Belushi Bee glares at him, twisting his eyebrows manically. Annoyed, he drops his accent and character, saying:

"..Gee thanks homey...I had my line all set up to go! Always Somebody's gotta complain! Well Thank You Very Much Garret! We *could* be getting on with this sketch!! BUT NOOOOOOO!!!!!”

The Belushi bee sniffs haughtily and loudly.. then coughs a lot till he nearly gags on his cigar. He points his guns at Andy's feet.

"Now DANCE!!"

All the bees fire their tiny guns at Andy's feet, forcing him to jump about wildly in time while the Killer Bees sing "La Cucaracha".

Andy sweats, doing a Mexican hat dance while Slappy claps along with the bees.

One of the Killer Bees is stoned. The others stop singing while he continues loudly, out of tune and way off tempo:

"One theeng that makes me laugh mos' hearty... ha_ ha_ ha Pancho Villa with no shirt on!-"

The leader Bee shoots him dead, then points his guns at Andy again.

Backed into a corner, Andy says sheepishly:"Heheh..Do you have licenses for those guns?"

The Belushi bee's eyes narrow and he glares at Andy.

"License?...We don need no steenkeen license!!"

The Killer Bees swarm after Andy, leaving his face looking like a pomegranate, his head all red and stung full of bumps. The Killer bees all fire their guns in the air and escape, yelling:

"YEEHAW! VAMENOS! -And all that kinda stuff like that there!"

Andy stands by the door, does a slow burn take, then slowly shuffles over to stand looking at Slappy. He ambles along very very slowly, while Slappy watches him. She stares at her watch, marking the time patiently as we hear his short legs scuff their way over to her.

Slappy yawns and reads "Useless Filler Magazine" as she waits for him to finally arrive. At last, he stops and she stares at him.

"What the heck was that? I had time enough to get a perm and a root canal while you were walkin' over here!" she demands.

"Thees eez Gennedy Tartakovsky, remember? We're establishing a mooood!" says Andy haughtily.

"You're establishing boredom is what yer establishing" mutters the squirrel. "Next victim!" she calls off-screen.

In walks Katie KaBoom in a similar Dee-Dee costume.

"Oh Wow! this is like, the TV studio, right?" she gushes, "I'm so proud to get this chance to work for the Cartoon Network – I mean, Warner Brothers totally typecast me!-"

Yakko and Wakko Warner pop out from under Slappy's hat and say: ”We did?!?"

Suddenly, they notice they're speaking to Katie. The two brothers look at each other and crawl away.

"Uuuuuuuuuhhhh, hey Wakko? Let's go see if how our bomb shelter is holding up" says Yakko.

Wakko heartily agrees and the two escape by shrinking to the size of mice and diving into a mouse hole.

A moment later, Jerry Mouse carries the two boys out of his door by the scruff of their necks and stomps back into his hole, slamming the door.

The Warner Brothers then run away down the hall.

Meanwhile, Katie Kaboom is still prattling on like a parrot:

"Now they think I can only play a crazy explosive teenager, I mean really! Lookit me! I'm young! Pretty! Popular! I can play dramatic roles - I mean - just look at at my resume`!..."

As the blonde teen continues yakking away, Slappy gets irritated with her hat. She takes it off and shakes it, pokes inside of it, then pulls out a pair of pliers and extracts Dot Warner from inside the hat and drops her on the floor.

"Thanks! It was getting kinda crowded in there..." says Dot, smoothing down her rumpled pink skirt.

Dot blushes at the camera and zips off-screen, but sticks her head back in momentarily to say in a smug fashion:

" By the way Slappy - I'd do something about that dandruff problem", before she disappears.

"There's plenty of flakey things going on in my hat!"

Slappy shakes her hat upside down and one by one - four horseshoes fall out - followed by their owner, a big fat horse.

The horse giggles and holds up a sign, saying:”Silly, isn't it?", before trotting away.

"Ah! I love a good Tex Avery gag" Slappy smiles.

"-And it smells too!...oops!", continued Katie, "Anyway, I'm truly a very versatile, flexible actress!"

Andy and Slappy exchange sour looks.

"Yeah-yeah", the grey squirrel waves her off in a bored voice, "Let's see ya play a dizzy blonde who blows things up.

"WHAT?! NO!!",screams Katie as she expands into a hideous, huge, green rampaging monster, "I DON'T WANNA PLAY AN AIRHEAD! I'M_A_SERIOUS_ACTRESS!!


Slappy calmly follows after the Warner Brothers.

"Hey Yakko, where's that bomb shelter of yours?"

As the giant, hissing, slime-dripping Katie-monster closes in on Andy, his eyes grow so wide that his glasses fall off.

"Ah, heh, heh heh..."the Fox says sheepishly grinning as he shrinks back against a wall,"Uh... nice Monster! ...want a banana?

KABOOOMMMM!!! A small nuclear explosion flash-burns Andy, leaving his exposed front bare of fur, his naked pink skin making him blush and sneak off-screen blushing bright red.

The Katie creature stomps her way off the screen, muttering: "A monster's work is never done..."

Slappy sticks her head back in the door.

"Is it safe?" she asks.

"Yes, Lawrence Olivier` - she's gone" wheezes Andy as he slumps back in, still pulling his fur back on and throwing away the "CENSORED" sign he was wearing.

"Good, cause it's time for our next contestants" grins Slappy.

Just then, Mindy runs through the scene chasing Tweety Pie, being chased by a desperate Buttons.

"Say, what do you call a toddler who is harnessed to a tree by her parents, doesn't knows their names and is only supervised by a dog?" wonders Andy aloud.

"Heh, I'd call it about 25 years ta life fer a case of neglect. I said it before an' I'll say it again - Nicholas Hollander should never be allowed to write cartoons”, the squirrel comments. "Anywhose – they ain't applicants fer this job."

Tweety runs back through the scene as Mindy plucks out his yellow tailfeathers, chased by Buttons with a cuspidor stuck on his head. The Warner sibs ride through the set on the big fat horse, who snorts, stamps his hooves and bucks them off. The three Warners sail out through the window, leaving broken glass outlines of themselves.

Both Andy and Slappy stop and stare longingly at the bucking bronco. Andy's tongue lolls onto the floor till Slappy yanks his tail, sending his tongue snapping back into his face like a window roller blind.

"But we regress!- Er...*digress*!" Andy says to the camera with a grin.

The door falls off it's hinges unexpectedly, revealing a surprised Shirley the Loon and Lola Bunny in identical – but not identically-fitting pink Dee Dee costumes. While Shirley's dress fits well – Lola's is too small and is stretched far too tightly across her larger fame.

Shirley scowls jealously at this while Lola smiles spitefully.

As the statuesque rabbit takes a deep breath, Shirley grumbles under her breath: ”Like, darn mammals..."

The two grin competitively sideways at each other and rush in to surround Andy like basketball players covering an opponent on the court!

"As you can see, I have a natural athletic ability! I'm the best for this part!" says Lola as she scares Andy into fading back with her aggressive covering moves.

"Like - No Way!", Shirley shouts from behind the confused Fox. "I'm the versatile actress! - And I'll totally prove it!”

The Loon suddenly pulls a grand theatre curtain across the background,(out of nowhere) dashes behind it and re-emerges a second later dressed like a 16th century Shakespearian actress, her blonde hair coiffed into a six-foot tall ornamental wig. (complete with a unhappy Sweetie Bird in a cage built into it) She wears tremendous false eyelashes, an overly large bustle and courtly makeup with heart-shaped beautymarks. Shirley flutters her lashes and strikes a dramatic pose!

Plucky sticks his head in the door and wildly applauds as she bows and speaks with a haughty British accent.

Shirley:" Like - This is Lady Teazle from "The School For Scandal" - by Sheridan. Ahem!....I, who was late so volatile and gay -"

Plucky snickers at this. Shirley grins, gritting her teeth as she continues:"Like a trade-wind must now blow all one way!"

Plucky is now laughing, so Shirley takes off her shoe and hits him in the head with it, knocking him flat.

"Bend all my cares, my like studies, and my vows, To one dull rusty weathercock - my spouse!"

The Loon pauses to grin spitefully at Plucky, who glowers back at her.

"So wills our virtuous bard - the Motely, like I mean *the motley Bayes*! Of crying epilogues and laughing plays!"

In seconds, both Shirley and Plucky stand grinning before Andy and Slappy, bowing and pressing resume pictures on them and seeking approval.

Unimpressed, Slappy says:" Yeah but can ya play a dumb blonde destructive DeeDee type?”

"DUMB BLONDE?!!"shout both Shirley and Lola!

"Is *that* what this is about?!! Oh, that is so wrong!" Lola says angrily.

"And we are like - SO outta here!" says Shirley stomping away.

Plucky sneaks a look at the retreating ladies and says to Andy:

"Say! How would you feel about *me* in a DeeDee dress, huh??"

Both Slappy and Andy make gagging faces at him. As the duck starts to come up with a rejoinder, Shirley's arm stretches in from off-screen and yanks him away.

"Oh well, we got one more! Can we have our next auditioner?" calls Slappy off-screen.


The fox and squirrel look at each other nervously as the ground trembles! The room shakes violently as someone - or some thing approaches! Dust falls from the ceiling and Andy's glass test tubes crash to the floor! Their eyes widen in fear as the earthquake rattles the camera and the building!

CRASH!!! The roof is torn off by something impossibly huge! Falling debris and dust clouds everything in sight! Then there is silence...followed by a feminine giggle...the dust settles...and a giant shadow suddenly covers everything!

Andy and Slappy stare upwards in shock - as a giant Minerva Mink stares down at them! The monstrous mink is macro-sized and is taller than the house! She wears a few colorful circus tents tied together to make a bikini.


"Hi guys! You got a job for me?" Minerva says smiling, her voice still sweet for one so amplified.

"Sure, can ya wreck this lab in a cute way?" asks Slappy.

"Why sure! Everything I do is cute!" the monumental mink replies.

With a simple twist and turn of her giant hips, Minerva knocks over the rest of the entire building as she sits on it. Unfortunately, Andy is underneath her colossal rear end.

"Oops!" says Minerva with a giggle.

Her colossal white fingers pull a flatted Fox out from under her rear end. Andy pops back into shape and wobbles drunkenly about.

"Well... ya couldn’t find a bigger blonde than that!" he mumbles.

"Say, what happened to ya anyway? Why the change?" Slappy asks Minerva.

Minerva rolls her eyes and says,” After Warner Brothers stopped using me I had to find other work. A girl's gotta survive! So I met this guy named Doug Winger who's been keepin' me busy -"

"Ahhh, never mind!", Slappy said cutting her off," You got the job. We'll let ya know when."

"I think we just *might* need a new studio set" Andy said dazedly before collapsing in a heap on the floor.

"Okay!", Minerva says carefully dropping her tiny resume photo to Andy like a tiny piece of lint, " I just want you to know that I usually don't give out my phone number - except to directors."

Andy and Slappy roll their eyes at each other again.

"Anyway - Ta!" says Minerva as she rises to her feet to leave, blotting out the sun and unconsciously stepping on Andy with her giant feet. She walks out of sight, her Godzilla-like footsteps shaking the landscape.

"It's not pretty being me!” sings Andy drunkenly as he lies mangled and squashed out of shape.

There is a sudden knock from the door (which has a sign on it with the words "Another Door" on it) and as Andy is pulling himself back together (literally),

Slappy goes to answer it. After a moment of doing a deadpan reaction to the camera, she says: "It's for you."

Andy walks to the door, pushing his Picasso-like distorted face back into shape and opens the door.

Standing there is another Andy Fox!

The two identical foxes freeze, watching each other warily.

Andy crosses his arms - so does the other fox. Andy raises a Mr. Spock-like eyebrow - his mirror image does too. Warily, Andy tries all manner of moves to outwit this strange twin; leaning, dancing like Chuck Berry on one leg, making a "Googie" face like Harpo Marx - all to no avail. The other Andy mirrors him perfectly each time. Andy tries spinning around in place and the other Andy does not spin, but fakes it by posing as if he has still turned. Andy fails to see this and is still perplexed.

Finally, Andy walks to one side of the mirror to figure out a new scheme to trick this doppelganger. Slappy shrugs at his questioning look. A light bulb pops into being over the Fox's head and he walks off-screen...

He walks back impatiently and switches off the light bulb when it fails to go out.

The vulpine walks slowly and confidently back to the door with his paws behind his back, his double mirroring him. They both grin at each other.

Andy brings a top hat out from behind his back, holding it in his paws before him. The other Andy...also brings out - an identical hat.

They grin at each other, then Andy motions as if to drop his hat - the other Fox does the same. They do it again. The third time Andy lets go of the hat and it begins to fall to the floor. The other Fox drops his hat too - but Andy's hat returns back up to his paw like a yo-yo - because of the elastic string he holds in his hand!

"Ah-HA!" Caught you!" says Andy in triumph.

"Well ya can't fool 'em all the time", the other Andy replies, then taps his foot impatiently. "So, have you finished besmirching my image yet?"

"Be-smirching?? I??... Is that a proper verb anyway?" asks Andy.

"YES!", shouts the other Andy,” Conjugate the verb "to Besmirch"! I besmirch! You besmirch! He, She, It besmirches! We besmirch! They besmirch!"

The first Fox shrugs and says innocently "I dunno.. sounds kinda kinky to me."

"By the way!", says the second Fox as he walks into what's left of the room, "What's happened to the plot? Where's "Dexter's Lab"???"

Suddenly there is another giant rumbling sound! Again, monstrous footsteps approach as a giant figure appears, towering over them! It leans down, blotting out the light and covering them all in shadow!

"...Ya hadda ask, didn't ya?" Slappy says sarcastically.

"IT'S HER AGAIN! THE FIFTY-FOOT MINK RETURNS!!", screams Andy, then he comments, "...Sounds like a good sequel."

"NO, FOOLISH MORTALS! IT IS I! HA-HA-HA! HA-HA-HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" says a somehow familiar voice as the smoke clears.

A giant red and black evil-looking robot mech is revealed with a small dark figure inside its' head controlling it.


(lighting and thunder flash and crash.. all on a bright summer's day without a cloud in the sky)

" - MHAN-DARK!!!"†

"Gasp!" says Andy.

The robot-mech's visor swings upward revealing its occupant! He stands silhouetted against the blazing Sun - then leaps super-heroically to the ground before them!

Andy backs away in overly dramatic fear.

He points and says:” It’s - It's - IT'S -"

"It's Sean Campbell", Slappy says flatly, "How ya doin, kiddo?"

Sean, the blue skunk is dressed in an villainous red and black Mandark costume, with tights and a cape.

"Oh I'm doing fine", Sean says dropping his character and speaking in his soft-spoken Irish accent," Nice to see you again, Slappy. This is a fun part to play."

Catching himself, Sean resumes his loud maniacal Mandark voice!

"But enough of this, Slap-Pee! I am here to take you away from all this - and back to my place!"

Activating his robot-mech, Sean sweeps Slappy off her feet and carries her in his arms back up into the giant machine's cabin. His eyes become big pink hearts as he drools over the squirrel like Mandark over DeeDee.

"Slaaaap-Peeeeeeee!" the blue skunk swoons, then drops his character again. "You know, this silly American Eddie Dezel accent isn't very easy..."

"SLAPPY!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" cries the second Andy Fox as Sean's giant robot runs away with the squirrel over the horizon!

He then glares angrily at the first Andy: "Well I hope you're happy, Mister Director! You wrecked the set, offended almost all the blonde female population of Acme Acres, released the Killer Bees, made fun of me, got Slappy kidnapped by Sean - and WORST OF ALL! ..... You made fun of Classic Star Trek!"

"Seemed like a good idea at the time", says the first Andy,"It's a cartoon."

The second Fox boils with rage and pronouces:"For this - you must be punished!! HEY?! SPECIAL EFFECTS??"

With a wave of his paw - WHOOOSH!! - the second Andy Fox makes the entire background scenery disappear, including himself! The first Fox is sent onto a totally empty blank white background where he floats around in midair! The Fox looks around at the endless limbo he's in. His voice echoes everywhere.

"Oh... so this is that alternate negative universe he was always threatening me with...Hmmm... well this could get seriously boring" he says shrugging.

The Fox hangs in space a moment before a smile creases his face.

"Well! If he can do it - so can I! HEY SPECIAL EFFECTS???" he calls out.

Suddenly, one by one - scantily clad harem girls begin to pop into existence to lounge around him! They are; Petunia Pig, Fifi La Fume, Shirley the Loon, Babs Bunny, Sphinxy, Bimbette Skunk, Binky Bunny, Mariette La Piglette, Penelope Pussycat, Lola Bunny, Hoppo Hoppopotamus from the Wuzzles, Rebecca Cunningham from TailSpin, Gadget Hackwrench from the Rescue Rangers, Callie Briggs from SWATKATS, Miss Piggy from the Muppets and lastly, the giantess Minerva Mink.

All the ladies smile seductively at the Fox.

Andy smiles at the camera, reaches up and pulls off a tight-fitting mask...revealing the face of Pepe K. - the black and white skunk.

Pepe K. smiles at the ladies and winks at the camera as it fades out to black, saying "Well this'll do for starters."



written by Pepe K.

Based on Characters created by WB, Disney and the Author.

The 2nd character of Andy Fox is owned by his player.

PLEASE email any and all comments to moi at