Greetings, fellow TTA fan. Welcome to the third installment of -
" A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNTO HEAVEN " By Pepe K.

"A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNTO HEAVEN"
"A Time To Sow"

Art by Thorne

Chapter VIII

The next morning, Fifi awoke early to get ready for classes.

Feeling sporty, she put on her white capri pants with a short, red sleeveless blouse.

"My, aren’t we looking cute this morning!" said Hamton as his wide grinning face suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"Ooo!",Fifi squealed, "Tu darety peeg! Were you peeking at moi?!"

"Well, maybe a little" Hamton flirted.

"You naughty, naughty boy!" she flirted back, grabbing him with her tail, "Whatever weel I do weeth you?"

Hamton thought of a few answers and giggled as she drew him to her for a good morning kiss. He quickly turned it into a long sensuous one and Fifi’s fumes of passion surrounded them.

"Ahhhmmm...", he sighed happily, taking long sniffs of her scent, "I can never get enough of that..."

A loud car horn interrupted their bliss and they saw Dr. Lord waving from his driveway. "Good morning! Would you like a ride to class?"

"Be right zere!" Fifi called, grabbing her books and Hamton’s hand.

"Hey you-" was all managed to say before being yanked outside and around the corner. There he and Fifi stopped in amazement.

" Wow!" "Tres‘ cool!" they exclaimed.

Before them stood Lord, wearing blue jeans and a leather bomber jacket. Next to him sat a mint condition 1966 Thunderbird. The shiny gold convertible had gleaming chrome and cherry red leather seats.

"I didn’t feel like walking today" Lord said putting on his sunglasses and opening the heavy door. He flipped the driver’s bucket seat forward and said "Hop in".

Now it was Hamton’s turn to pull Fifi along and into the wide back seat. "Now this is a car!" he said looking at the dials, knobs, and levers on the dashboard.

"Thank you" said Lord, flipping his seat back into place and climbing in, "And thank you both for worrying about me last night".

"Oh - are you okay? What happened?" Hammy asked.

Fifi almost shushed him, but the professor answered quickly

"I’m fine. But uh... you don’t want to know. It’s classified and I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you both not to tell anyone about my involvement with the military."

Hamton looked at Fifi.

"Please?", Lord asked, "...it could be dangerous for all of us."

He turned and raised his sunglasses and his chilling eyes fell upon them.

Fifi looked at Hamton.

"Ah promees" she said.

"Me too" Hammy agreed.

"Thanks" said Lord, starting the engine, "Seat belts, please."

As they clicked the heavy metal buckles together, Lord said, "Everyone’s invited over this evening for a party here."

"Oh, Great! What should I bring?!" implored Hamton in excitement.

The Professor chuckled as he drove to the end of the driveway.

"Whatever you like, although its really not necessary. Bring your parents!"

Fifi looked down and said nothing.

"Uh - okay. Is it a formal?" asked Hamton.

"Um, well, not really. But I believe that you should always look your best - you never know who you might meet. Just put on your dancin’ shoes!"

"Oh boy, I’ll make ambrosia!" said Hamton, joyfully thinking of his kitchen.

The Professor drove the car out , clicked on a CD and headed through town. An electric guitar riff marked the beginning of "Fun, Fun, Fun" by the Beach Boys. Lord drove with one hand atop the steering wheel, his silver hair blown back with the breeze, smiling under his shades. He began to sing along with the music, his normal baritone voice jumping up to match Brian Wilson’s tenor perfectly. Fifi and Hamton looked at each other with raised eyebrows at Lord’s strong singing. As he bopped and played percussion on the steering wheel, they too got into the spirit of crusin’. Hamton leaned back with his hands behind his neck, relaxing, while the young skunkette leaned forward, her long hair blowing in the wind. The sun glinted off the polished gold car as it pulled up at a stoplight at the edge of the city.

"And she’ll have fun, fun, fun, till her Daddy takes the T-Bird awaaaay!" Lord sang with the music.

Already waiting there was Daffy Duck in his black Trans Am.

"Hey Doc! Wanna drag?" he called, revving his engine.

"No thanks, Daff", said Lord as the song "Custom Machine" rang out, "I’ve got passengers to take care of."

"Aw, C’mon", Daffy challenged, " I’ll race ya fer pinksslippths!"

With a glance, Lord sang with the music, "I’ll let you look, but don’t touch mah Custom Machiiiiiiiiine!"

"Sspoiled Ssport !" said Daffy as he zoomed ahead.

Lord and Fifi laughed together as he drove on. She watched his hair ruffled by the wind and the handsome smile on his lips. He reached to adjust the rear-view mirror and smiled wider. Fifi noticed her reflection in the mirror and smiled back as he watched her.

"Pavel?"

"Yes, Petite?"

"Ah was theenking about ze race today. Vous should be een eet."

"Oh... I don’t think so."

"But ze way vous ran yesterday - maybe vous might -"

"Fifi’s right, Professor" interrupted Hamton as he looked at her. Lord shook his head. "It’s not my race - I’m an outsider", he said losing his smile, "I don’t want to upset anyone."

"But vous could win!"

"Yeah", said Hamton, "With your powers, you could probably -"

"My powers are not for display - I don’t have to prove anything to anyone." Lord stated firmly. Hamton and Fifi shrugged, disappointed. "But thanks for the sentiment" Lord said, as they drove through the Acme Forest.

Ahead, they saw Babs chasing Buster along the road. Fifi and Hamton waved as Lord pulled up alongside the fleeing blue bunny, who was laughing hysterically.

"Need a lift, Bustah?" asked Lord like a New York cabbie. "Yeah!" Buster laughed as he vaulted into the middle of the back seat, "Watch out!....Babs just met her worst nightmare!" he said brandishing his water pistol.

"COME BACK HERE, YOU RANCID RODENT!" Babs yelled as she skidded to a stop alongside the car. Her cottontail was dripping wet as she growled at Buster.

"There I am, watering my flowers and he sneaks up me and squirts me right in the- !"

"But it was SO Funny!!" Buster broke out as he rolled with laughter.

"MY UNDERWEAR DIDN’T NEED WATERING!!!" Babs exploded.

Everyone but Babs nearly fell over laughing.

"I have a towel you can sit on, Miss Babs" said Lord with a smirk.

Art by Murray Mouse

"In a minute, Professor", Babs said slyly and suddenly hopped in to sit on Buster’s lap, "Here’s a dry spot!"

"Eeep!" cried Buster as Babs forced down her weight where it counts. "You wanted me wet! Now you can reap the benefits!" she said squashing him.

"This isn’t the lap dance I had in mind!" he squeaked in a high-pitched voice.

"Be careful, Buster", chuckled Hamton, "You’ll sound like Mickey Mouse for the rest of your life."

"HAMTON! " everyone said in mock shock.

"Oops! ", he chuckled, "Sorry!"

"Babs – get off! There’s no room! " Buster squeaked again.

"Ah will sit in ze front" Fifi volunteered as she climbed over, her tail draping over the back of the seat like Lord’s.

Lord pulled a towel from the glove box between the seats and handed it to Babs, who after giving Buster a last squoosh, sat on the towel where Fifi had been.

"Say, what is this thing?" Buster asked pulling out a cushion that folded out of the seat behind him.

"That’s an armrest," said Lord.

Buster tried sitting on top of it.

"Looks like a baby’s car seat" he said bouncing on it.

"No", said Babs, suddenly closing it on him. Buster’s arms, legs and ears were all that could be seen, wiggling from behind the square cushion. "See, it folds up!" Babs smirked as he unsquished himself.

Up front, Fifi looked for her seat belt. Lord noticed and asked, "Permittez‘ moi?" He leaned over her, reaching over her waist to find it on the floor. His long arm pressed against her a moment and their eyes met in a smile. Fifi saw her reflection in his sunglasses, her eyes half-closed with a seductive smile on her lips.

{"Enchanté"}, said his voice suddenly echoing in her mind. His lips had not moved, his smile was unchanged. It was true. His telepathy was real! As Lord clicked the seat belt together, Fifi blushed and folded her hands to control her impulses.

"Merci, Pavel," she said as the Professor continued driving.

With a sixth sense, she felt six eyes staring at her from behind. Looking up into the rear-view mirror, she saw Buster look away and Babs raising an eyebrow with a "what-do-you-think-you’re-doing?" look on her face. Hamton’s glare was painful. Fifi looked at her own reflection, only to find the word "guilt" written all over her face. Embarrassed, she wiped it away.

Lord felt their thoughts and sudden tension and quickly said, "There’ll be a party at my home this evening – Everyone’s invited."

"Great!" exclaimed Buster.

"Terrific", said Babs, "Who’s coming?"

Hamton frowned in silence.

"Oh, most everyone" said Lord. His tail twitched and his pupils dilated a bit in concentration. "Hmm, Steven and -Ted and -oh good -Kirk can make it."

"Kirk Cameron?!" Babs gushed.

Buster made the "gag-me!" gesture. "Captain Kirk? " he asked.

"No - Kirk Douglas" said Lord. "Although Bill Shatner will be there.

Let’s see - Leonard and ...oh,...oh dear..."

"What?"asked Babs.

"Deforest Kelley...," Lord said sadly, "I invited him and now he’s gone. Such a gentle soul...I’ll miss him" Lord sighed.

"Hmm, Charleton and Gregory I’ll have to keep apart. Anthony Quinn’s too ill - what a shame. Um... Bob’s doing a golf benefit but Dorothy will be there. Ah- Brigitté, and Tony.. and Tony...".

"Wow! ", said Buster, "They’re all coming? What’s the occasion?"

"Mmm... Just an annual party, just a few friends" said Lord.

"The students and Faculty too?" Babs queried.

"Yes", said Lord, but his smile abruptly turned to a frown, " All but one".

There was an uncomfortable silence before Hamton leaned purposefully forward and asked," And who might that be?"

Again, no one spoke. Fifi watched the Professor seem to grow tense.

He was about to answer when Fifi saved him by shouting, "LOOK!"

At the side of the road sat Daffy’s car and behind it was a police car with its lights whirling. Offisa Pup was handing Daffy a speeding ticket.

"I swear that thign thed 85 mileth per hour yethterday!" they heard Daffy say as they drove past. The T-Bird wiggled as everyone laughed. Hamton even gave in and laughed as Buster, Babs and Fifi rolled in their seats.

"I gueth heth trying to Duck the speeding lawth!" laughed Babs as she imitated the black duck.

"Poor Daffy", said Lord chuckling, "He never learns."

Babs laughed fit to split "If they take him downtown he’ll quack under pressure!!"

"Eeeww!" the others groaned at her pun.

"I just can’t help myself!" Babs grinned.

The Professor pulled the Thunderbird into the circle before the Looniversity steps. Arnold stopped chasing Furball and they came to look at the shiny vehicle.

[Nice car!] signed Furball.

"Ach du lieber! A classic sixty-six T-Bird!" said the pit bull, looking at the six tail-lights, "Vith a 440 engine!"

"Yeah, nice wheels, Doc" said Buster as he and the others got out. "Thank you. I’ll see you in class in a few moments" said Lord, pushing a button on the dashboard. Fifi watched as the convertible top rose from the rear, extended itself and closed above the Professor. Lord looked up at the building with a frown and then drove away to the parking lot. Fifi looked up behind her and saw the Principal’s window slam shut.

"What’s up with Bugs?" Babs wondered aloud, "He was acting strangely yesterday too."

"Someting’s weird" said Buster.

"Today we’ve got Mentor classes, maybe you should ask him" Hamton reminded them.

Babs grew impatient as Buster stood there puzzling Bugs’ odd behavior.

"C’mon Blue Boy!" she said dragging him into the building by the ears.

Art by Thorne

Fifi found herself alone again with a silent cross-looking pig.

"What?" she asked.

"You know very well what." said Hamton quietly.

"But ah deedn’t do anytheeng!"

"You sat up with him."

"Ah had to make room!"

"And you let him touch you."

Fifi smirked. " He poot on mah seat belt! "

"And you called him Pavel."

"He told us both to call heem zat! Ah was joost being nice! He’z been very nice to us!" Fifi told him.

Hamton looked ashamedly at his feet. It was all true. "It’s just - that way he looks at you...And calls you Petite."

"Tu are jealous again!", Fifi cried, "Ee eez very old - ov course ‘ee calls moi ‘leetle one’!"

Hamton sighed. "He doesn’t look that old."

"Hamtone, eef ‘ee taught ze Merry Melodies back een ze thirties, ‘ee must be well ovair ninety years old."

"...He doesn’t call me ‘Petite’ " Hamton remarked.

"Wood tu want heem to? Eetz a feminine term!"

Hamton’s eyes fell. "Gee - I never thought of all that ", he said taking her hands, " I can’t help it. He knows something about you. And he’s such a big mystery! Reading our minds, using fantastic powers, traveling through time, being a -"

"Shhhh! Tu promeesed not to tell!" Fifi insisted.

Hamton lowered his voice to a whisper, "Being a spy in the 3-D world - what’s it all about?"

"Do not worry, ma cherie", she said," Ah will find out tonight".

Hammy looked into her eyes. "I’m sorry - it’s just that ..."

" - You love me" she finished for him.

With a smile, Hamton kissed her hand.

"Come on, or we’ll be late" Fifi said, taking his arm as they walked up together.

Chapter IX

As Lord was about to enter the building, Daffy drove up and hailed him. "Hey Doc! Wait up!"

"I’m sorry about that ticket Daffy-"

"Aw that flat-foot wath waitin’ for me! Louthey Futhzz! No Doc, what I wanted to ask you was-"

"No" said Lord walking on.

"Aww, quit reading my mind! You could win that raceth today!"

"I know you’d like to have a sure thing to bet on, but it’d be wrong", Lord asserted," Besides, it’s not my race."

"We could clean up!’ implored Daffy.

"I’d have very little to gain and it would just upset people."

"I can think of quite a few jawth that’d hit the floor", the duck said slyly, "- One in particular".

"I’m a guest artist here – you went through enough difficulty to get him to let me teach again", Lord said, "I don’t want to get you into trouble."

"Aww, C’mon! you’d love to see him squirm with jealouthee as much as I would" Daffy said elbowing him.

"What have I said about jealousy,Daffy? It’s always your undoing."

"I know, I know - quit bein’ my teacher! " said Daffy "Look Doc, you’ve got the respect of the entire faculty [well, almost] but you need to win over the studentth too . Show ‘em all in one fell sthwoop!"

Lord smiled humbly. "Thank you – that means a lot to me."

"Aw, just don’t go spreadin’ it around", Daffy said out of the side of this beak, "You’ll ruin my reputation".

"I have nothing to prove" the skunk said as they walked to the door.

Daffy continued to be slick. "Ya don’t want the kidth thinkin’ yer an oddball bookworm, do ya?"

Lord considered a moment, then said, "I’ll think about it".

As they entered the empty lounge, Daffy piped up again. "How’s Red?"

The Professor froze and said nothing.

"Doc?" Daffy asked as he walked around to face his friend, "What’s wrong?"

Lord’s face had fallen and Daffy picked it up and put it back on for him. Lord hung his head and his eyes closed. "...Daff.........please..." he whispered .

"What is it , Doc?" asked the black duck as he reached up high to put a feathered hand on Lord’s arm. Lord looked seriously at him a moment and then closed the door. After a moment, there was a click as the door was locked.

Bugs Bunny stalked through the hallways of the Looniversity, ensuring the day would begin just right. Maybe a good strong cup of coffee would help, so he headed for the teacher’s lounge. Everything would be fine as long as he had no interference from –

The door to the lounge wouldn’t open. He pulled and turned and then heard a low conversation from within. He swiped his key-card through the lock.

"Hey, what’s goin’ on in here?!" said Bugs as he pushed the door open.

Daffy stood with an arm around the shoulder of the seated figure of Lord. Both looked very upset.

"Oh it’s youse two! ", Bugs said with narrowed eyes, "Ya know class starts in two minutes?!"

Lord walked past him and said "Certainly" as he disappeared out the door.

"What’s wid you guys?" Bugs said accusingly.

Daffy sniffed and stalked past Bugs with a withering look. Genuinely angry, he turned at the door.

"Your thence of timing is lousy, Mister Sensitive" he said in a deadly monotone as he left.

Chapter X

Hamton sat at his desk, thinking of what he had to ask his mentor, Porky Pig. Suddenly, Dr. Lord swooped into the room and into his office, slamming the door behind shut him. As the Toonsters all looked at each other in puzzlement, the ground began to shake and quiver.

"EARTHQUAKE!"

shouted Plucky as he pulled Shirley under a desk.

"God! Angry bad vibes!" exclaimed Shirley .

Everyone dove for cover as the roaring quake reached a crescendo. Lightning flashed, thunder blasted the air, textbooks fell and the building bounced on its foundation.

Just as quickly, all was still and Lord reentered the room and sat at his desk. Everyone peeked up at him in the sudden silence as he glanced about the room through his sunglasses.

"When you’re all quite ready?" he said sternly.

Everyone skittered to their seats, as he began the class.

"Today we’ll be discussing our upcoming journey. I trust you’ve all studied the text closely?"

"Yes sir" the class nodded.

"So what’ll we be bringing back?", asked Plucky, "Gold? The Crown Jewels? King Solomon’s mines?"

Lord’s head swiveled slowly and his deadly stare went straight through Plucky.

"Are you addressing me,....Mister duck?"

"...Yeah".

"Then do so properly" Lord said coldly.

Plucky gulped and hid under his desk and the class was silent.

Lord sighed deeply.

"Now then, before today’s test, we’ll discuss what will happen in the past." Rather shaken by the earthquake, the storm and their professor’s slightly scary nature – the class listened cautiously as Lord spoke.

"Once in the past, you won’t always be yourselves. For most of this excursion, each of you will be cohabiting the mind and body of someone who was present at the time. You may be able to exert a certain amount of control over that person, but it is wiser to simply live their lives as they did – this way the time continuum will not be disturbed. You will experience life as they did - and you’ll be in the same danger as they were."

Hamton cautiously spoke up. "S-s-sir? Does that mean that - some of us could really get hurt?"

The rest of the class was surprised at Hamton’s boldness and held their breath, awaiting Lord’s reply. Lord himself was taken aback by the question of innocent concern and he softened immediately.

"Yes...yes. All of you could be. Make no mistake - we are walking into a real war - a desperate and horrible thing. I shall do my utmost to see that none of you is hurt. But what happened to them - could happen to you."

"Professeur‘? ‘ How will eet ‘appen?" Fifi asked.

Lord recovered a bit of his smile.

"We will enter the time vortex together. We will arrive at our destination as ourselves. After a few moments, our counterparts will appear around us. Then, we will be part of them and live their lives. During this period, we’ll communicate with each other through my telepathic link. Sort of like a conference call. We’ll experience what happened at that point of history. When it’s over - there’ll be a break-off point, where our "hosts" will leave us and we’ll be ourselves again for a short while before returning through the time vortex."

"What’s it like to be inside these other people, Dr. Lord?" asked Babs.

"Well, Babs, it’s funny you should ask that – it’s a lot like portraying a character in a play. You all know what that’s like". The class nodded. "You become the character, you know the lines, but you can’t step out of it and add-lib."

"Not add-lib?!" gasped Babs.

"That would change the play (and history), and you’d have a tough time getting back on track. You’d have to do it moment-to-moment" Lord told her.

"So the acting class does have a bearing on this, huh Doc?" said Buster.

"Yes, so you can understand the importance of this. Past history cannot be changed as it would alter the present. We must all be careful not to do anything that disturbs the timeline. Alterations can only be made at the periods at the beginning and the ending of our journey, when we are ourselves."

Lord lowered his head a bit and closed his eyes behind his sunglasses.

"...We cannot bring people back to the future...and we cannot prevent their fate. We can only recover things that would have been lost forever. When we are in transition as ourselves - we can do this, but you must all be careful. During this critical period - if anyone is separated from the group - they will be lost! We must stay together!"

Lord sighed and smiled a bit more.

"I don’t want to chance losing any of you."

The class became calmer at his reassurance.

"What about the telepathic link?" signed Calamity.

"Excellent. That was my next topic", said Lord, "Via my mental linkage, we’ll all be able to hear each other’s thoughts. But understanding them may be hard at first. As a telepath, it’s much easier to read thoughts, that it is to screen them out."

"Ya mean, cuz it’s like, hard to control yer thoughts, Professor?" Shirley asked.

"Precisely,Shirley", Lord said smiling, " Some people have centered thoughts and others have their thoughts running in streams, jumbled and confused. - And some thoughts are uncontrollable."

"You mean like feelings, Doctor Lord?" asked Mary.

Lord nodded. "Exactly. Now - we’re going to try it. Try and concentrate your thoughts as speech."

Lord sat back and took off his sunglasses. Some of the class shifted uncomfortably in their seats and stared at him.

His white cat-like triangular pupils dilated.

Suddenly, everyone’s head was filled with voices.

{"Is it happening yet?" "Is this it?!" "Boy, this is loud!" }

{"Is this what I sound like?" "HELLO EVERYBODY!!" "Echo!" }

{"Je pense qui il es?" "How illuminating to finally be elucidating!" }

{"Pipe Down! I can’t hear myself think!!" "Faboo!" }

{"Da ist nicht zu machen.""HI EVERYBODY!!" "Yo - too much!" }

{"Twas brillig and the slithey toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe!"}

{"Whoa - who said that?!"}

{ "Eeeow, this is cool - but it’s stressing out my aura!" "Fifi - will you -?"}

{" Wow! Lookit the set on -" "SHADDUP!!" "God, he’s so handsome!"}

{"This is quite fascinating!" "Who said that?" }

{"Whatsa matter, Barbara Anne?" "WHO SAID THAT!! }

{" I’LL POUND YOU!" "Hamtone, ah weesh we could -" "Oh YAH! }

{ "Go for it!" "You two shouldn’t be even thinking of having–!" }

{ "HELLO EVERYBODY!!" "This is too weird. " " I love you..." }

{"Not now." "QUIET!!....}

There was a moment of silence, then someone thought,

{ " I hope nobody can tell how lonely I feel..."}

The thoughts stopped and everyone looked a bit oddly at each other. Plucky sank down into his chair and desperately tried to hide his embarrassment.

There was a long pause before Lord blinked and said, "Well...I suppose you can see just how confusing this can be. Perhaps we should try it again with a willing volunteer?"

Furball waved a paw and smiled widely.

"Thank you, Furball", said Lord concentrating again.

{ "Your welcome!"} said Furball’s joyous, scratchy voice in everyone’s

heads. {"Gosh, this is so neat - I don’t know where to begin! "}

{ "Hi Everybody! I want you all to know that I think of you as good friends."}

{" -Even you Arnold, I just wish you’d cut out the chasing thing"}

Arnold shrugged and said "Eetz a species thing."

{"Buster, Babs, Plucky - thanks for helping me."} thought Furball.

"No prob." "You’re welcome" said the bunnies.

"I’m still waiting for my medal!" said Plucky, sitting up.

{"Fifi - I’m sorry to have disappointed you. "}

{"-I’m glad that you and Hamton are together"}

"De rien" said Fifi.

As Furball chatted on happily, Lord and Shirley silently exchanged thoughts and agreed on something.

{"-No, I really don’t mind cause Mary lets me stay with her when I need to."} continued Furball, {" Well, thanks alot for this chance to speak my piece, "}

{"Dr. Lord. I guess I’ll have more of a chance pretty soon. I’ll talk to ya later, friends!" Bye!"} Furball purred as Lord ended the linkage.

"You’re quite welcome. You did well on concentrating your thoughts as speech. All of you should take Furball’s example and remember it " Lord said getting the test papers. "Now you’ll have the next hour for the test. Good luck."

The test was very comprehensive, but even Plucky managed it. His thoughts of self-preservation and greed had encouraged studying.

Lord had put his sunglasses back on and Fifi found herself puzzled by this. Looking closely at them, she noticed they weren’t just dark but a deep reflective purple. Then she noticed Lord smiling at her and heard his voice in her mind.

{ " You look lovely today, little one, but you should finish the test"} he thought to her in French. She tried to think back to him in French

{" Thank you, I will. You look rather dashing yourself ."} They both smiled and Fifi finished her test.

As Lord collected their papers, he invited everyone to his party that evening. Everyone filed out for lunch, but Shirley took Plucky aside. When they were alone, she told him. "Plucky, you’ll to be, like..more careful with yer thoughts."

"What’re you talkin’ about, I didn’t say anything?! " he retorted.

"No, but ya thought it".

Plucky froze in fear. "No! It wasn’t me - everybody was thinkin’ at the same time!"

"I_know_your thoughts, Darlin’. And I heard every word you said" Shirley said crossing her arms.

"...Everything?" he gasped.

"Yup".

Plucky had a rare moment of embarrassment and his bill developed a tick as he looked at his webbed feet. Shirley drew herself up.

"Now, like I don’t mind you’re lookin’ or thinkin’ of other girls, cause yer mind is yer own independent center - but, just cause yer jealous of Hamton and Fifi, doesn’t give you the right to like, interfere with their togetherness."

Plucky began to laugh. "Ha, huh -ME jealous of Hamton!! Ha! Never in a million years! ‘The Porkster and La Fume Fatale!’"

Shirley was not amused. "I’ve seen you lookin’ at her body, Pluck-face, and I wouldn’t have exactly called you sedate er sum junk! If I find out that yer pullin’ them apart ta get ta her - I’LL ZAP YOU SO HARD, THEY’LL ONLY BE ABLE TO IDENTIFY YOU AT THE MOLECULAR LEVEL!!"

Plucky shrank to the size of a grasshopper and looked at the titanic Shirley glaring angrily down at him. She tossed her blonde curls and said, "Since you’ve been so nice to me lately and everything, I was, like, thinking of going out with you again."

"You would?" squeaked the tiny duck.

"I didn’t know yer loneliness would drive ya to be rotten to yer best friend. ...And I guess I’m partly to blame fer that."

Plucky grew back to half his normal size and knelt at her feet. "You’d really come back to me, Shirl??" he asked.

"You’ll have to prove ta me that you won’t be a judgmental jerk er sum junk."

"I’ll try", he said genuinely as he grew up fully," But I don’t think you know just how serious they are - Hamton’s practically made up the wedding dinner menu! "

Shirley turned to him. "Really?" she said pausing to think. "Well like - whatever! They’re our best friends and we should, like be supportive of whatever makes them happy."

"But a pig and a skunk?" Plucky queried.

"They’re two toons in love, Plucky! Differences don’t matter!"

"I know, I know - it’s bad karma," he said," but... wouldn’t you be concerned about your best friends possibly making a big mistake?"

Shirley smiled slyly at him.

"That’s quite a mature thing ta say - even from you".

"So will ya go with me to Dr. Lord’s party?" he asked hopefully.

Shirley’s flirtatious gaze thrilled him. "Fer sure".

She levitated herself into the air and floated serenely off to lunch, while Plucky floated after her in a lovelorn trance.

Chapter XI

The betting on the ‘Race of the Millennium’ was in full swing in the teacher’s lounge.

"Foggy, I tink somebodies’ broke yah light bulb", said Barnyard Dawg, " Dere’s _No_Way anybodies’ gonna beat the Roadrunner!"

"Why doncha bore a hole in your haid an let the sap run out, Dawg!", Foghorn Leghorn ballyhooed back, " The Roadrunnah - Ah say,the Roadrunnah’s outta conditionin’!" The loudmouth rooster tapped Dawg’s head.

"Listen to me when ah’m talking, Son. Boy doesn’t pay attention. L’il Beeper’s the one who’s gonna win this race!"

"On the contrary, you big mouthed barn-fowl", said Wile E. Coyote with a smirk, "RR has kept himself in good physicality in order to train his prodigy and to continue our acting partnership. We’ve done some automobile commercials of late and he’s still in good shape." The lanky Super-Genius pulled down a comparative speed chart from the ceiling and showed his findings with a laser pointer.

"However - my partner RR - it est - the Roadrunner, has not exceeded Mach 1 [ that is - the speed of sound ] since the 1970’s. My studies indicate that he may fail should the race exceed 737.215 MPH [that’s miles per hour for you laymen]."

"Ssstho who’re you bettin’ on - Sssthuper Geniussththth?" asked Sylvester, covering the coyote with a barrage of spittle.

"Please keep you bi-labial fricatives to yourself, Sylvester. I just had my person dry-cleaned – I ‘d rather not have to be Simonized as well" said Wile.

"But who are you betting on?" asked Petunia, drumming her fingers.

"That information I’ll keep to myself, my porcine pretty" stated the coyote with a smile.

"Heh, my money’s on dat Mexican rat" huffed Henery Hawk.

"But he’s not a wat", said Tweety, "- he’s a vewwy fast mouse."

"Dat’s right, Henery" said Bugs lounging with his coffee cup.

Daffy walked in. " ...Excuse me.." and sat quietly with Porky and Petunia.

Foghorn noticed Daffy’s downcast look, but quickly forgot it as the Dawg plunked a watermelon onto his head.

"D-d-d-Daffy, d-did you see D-d-d - uh - Lord today?" asked Porky.

Daffy closed his eyes. "...Yeah...yeah".

"Wa-wa-we-well?"

Daffy blinked and sighed, " Mmm...I dunno, Porky."

"Daff? What’s wrong?" asked Petunia quietly.

"Nuthin’."

"Oh, come now. Whenever someone says it’s nothing – you can be sure it’s something" she said.

"I don’t wanna talk about it right now –"

"So! Who’s the big huckster betting on?" said Granny, leaning on Daffy’s head, "I’ve got two G’s says Little Beeper wins!"

Porky and Daffy exchanged looks and a broad grin appeared on both of them.

Daffy then announced loudly, "Why Yessth! I’m betting on the dark horse in this race-th! " He smiled as all eyes turned on him.

"Whu-wh-who might that be, p-p-praytell? asked Porky, innocently playing along.

Daffy drew himself up for the big pitch, "Why - the new contestant - And my personal favorite to win. The fastest creature on the face of the Earth!"

"That would be, uh...me" said a familiar voice.

Everyone turned to the door and Bugs went into a Tex Avery three-headed split take and spit his coffee all over Taz. "CECIL TOITLE!!"

Cecil nodded slowly and said "Uh...Hiya, Speedy...long time"

"Not long enough fuh me" Bugs exclaimed.

Taz glowered at Bugs and said, "Why for you spit hot hot coffee on me?"

Bugs chuckled nervously at his mistake.

"Needs sugar," said Taz licking his head with his gigantic tongue.

"Excuse me" Lord said, entering to find everyone suddenly staring at him. There was a pregnant silence, then Lord looked at Cecil, smiled and did a spin change into Groucho Marx.

"Well! Fancy meeting you here!" he said wiggling his eyebrows. Everyone began to laugh as Cecil stared stupidly at the loony beside him. "How’s it goin’ Sucker - I mean Cecil?"

Petunia tried to keep from giggling, but failed. Porky and Daffy leaned against each other, laughing loudly.

"Say, did you ever get the ivory tusks offa that elephant I sent you?" quipped Lord, flicking his cigar ash into Cecil’s shell.

"Uh...elephant?" gaped the dumbfounded turtle. Bugs found himself smirking as he watched Yosemite Sam and even Wile E. Coyote rolling on the floor laughing.

"Well too bad!" Lord/Groucho continued, "You’ll hafta take ‘em to Alabama where the Tuscaloosa!" Even Bugs couldn’t help laughing as Lord spun back to himself. Cecil stomped out in a huff and Lord was nearly knocked over by the other faculty members slapping him on the back. He looked over to see Bugs hiding a smile behind a newspaper and smiled a little himself.

"I’m having a party at my home this evening" he announced to the group, "and you’re all invited." The crowd approved and thanked him.

Porky and Daffy congratulated him as he sat with Petunia, who smirked and pretended to disapprove.

"That wasn’t very nice, Doc."

"No, but it was funny!" laughed Daffy, as he and Porky continued to chuckle.

"Sorry Pet", said Lord," But you know how big egos bother me."

"Who’s got a big ego?!?" exclaimed Daffy.

"C-c-Cecil! ", said Porky, "W-w-We already know about you. C-c-Cecil always was the b-b-biggest whiner off camera, remember?"

"Yeth, the perfect stooge, but always a kvetch offstage" agreed Daffy.

"You’re all such naughty boys", smiled Petunia,

"Your Groucho was perfect, Doc".

"It’s a pity he’s just a memory now," said Lord sentimentally, "which reminds me - here’s your prescription, Pet." He handed her a bottle of pills.

"Gosh, thanks Doc " Petunia said blushing.

"W-w-will this work D-d-Doc?" asked Porky.

"Guaranteed. Just follow the directions", Lord said, "But... I’d wait till tomorrow to start.’

"The effects are...uh... strong?" whispered Petunia.

Lord smiled and lowered his voice, "Yes, it’ll triple your hormonal levels."

Daffy smiled and wiggled his eyebrows.

Porky cleared his throat and said "Ummmm...uh...okay!"

Bugs tapped Daffy’s shoulder. "You ain’t bettin’ on that toitle, are ya?" he said petulantly. Everyone looked at Daffy.

"Thertainly not! I’m betting on the one who’th gonna win!" Daffy said, putting a hand on Lord’s shoulder.

"...Daffy -" Lord said under his breath, embarrassed.

Bugs smirked and some of the others began to chuckle.

"Never kid a kidder, Daffy".

"Say what ya like, Rabbit, but Doc’s gonna be the one to take the checkered flag!" Daffy spat back.

Most of the other toons were smirking now and Taz fell off his chair laughing.

"That’ll be the day" said Bugs returning to his chair. Sylvester buried his face behind a ‘Birding’ magazine. Wile E. looked disgusted and left the room with Granny and Tweety. Foggy and the Dawg continued to whomp each other with over-ripe melons, but Marvin the Martian piped up. "If I may venture an opinion – "

"Excuse me" said Lord, swiftly crossing to the door. He turned and shot a look at Daffy, who nodded.

Lord looked unconcerned, but exited without a word and Petunia rose angrily.

"Bugs, I know you two don’t get along - but that was downright rude!", she snapped, "I hope you’re all pleased with yourselves !" Bugs and some of the others hid behind their newspapers as Petunia gathered her things and left. Porky followed her, looking very concerned, but Daffy sat and smiled gleefully to himself, thinking of the huge profits he was soon to receive.

On his way, Lord almost ran over the Goofy Gophers .

"Well, if it isn’t our old friend the Professor!" said Mac.

"I do believe it is!", said Tosh, "Our most heartfelt greetings, Doc!"

"Gracious felicitations, Professor!" said Mac.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen", said Lord , "Allow me to invite you to a party this evening at my home".

"Oh, we shall most definitely be there!" said the gophers in unison.

"Good, I’ll see you both at six - now if you’ll excuse me I have a pressing engagement" called Lord as he swept away.

"Oh my-my-my-my! He seemed in a hurry!" commented Tosh.

"Indeed! He did indeed!" said Mac," Whatever do you suppose could be troubling the old boy?"

As the talkative gophers began an extensive conversation, Lord strode through the halls, calling on his cell phone.

"Hello..Doc? said a voice.

"Craig, is the team all set?" Lord asked.

"Well...the gear is almost ready. It’ll take another two days -" "You’ve got till 3:30" Lord said quickly.

"Wha -...Pavel! It hasn’t been tested yet!"

"Well we’re going to this afternoon – Be ready" Lord ordered.

The voice was incredulous. " Okay... I think yer nuts - but okay."

"Just triple-check the the oxygen intake and the coolant flow," said Lord.

"You’re the doctor. Oh - and uh ..your friend’s here".

"Fine", said Lord, "I’ll see you in one hour. Ciao."

Lord hung up as he knocked on an office door.